Dear person who smoked inside the restroom in the hospital,

I am writing this letter to thank you for sharing your smoke with me.  While I was on my way out of the hospital at 1am, I had to pee.  And so I stopped in at the women's restroom, in the middle of the hall, in the middle of the (nonsmoking) hospital.  I'd been working for over 8 hours, and wanted to get home.  What I didn't know is that I really needed some second hand smoke to make my night better.  Luckily, you knew, and came to my rescue.

When I went into the restroom, not only could I smell your cigarette, but I could see the leftover haze.  Phew, I thought I was going to have to walk the whole 4 minutes out of the hospital without my daily dose of second hand smoke.  Usually, I have to get the whole way to the sidewalk before you all start sharing your smoke with me.  But not today!  Today, you decided that the 4 minute walk outside was too far for you also.  So you decided to light up INSIDE.  But I guess you figured people might look at you funny if you smoked a ciggy right there in the middle of the hallway... especially if you are one who also requires supplemental oxygen.

So back to the point of this thank you letter.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to remember why I don't smoke.  I mean, the whole eye burning, coughing, hacking experience is a good time and all.  But I'd say life is pretty good without it.  Plus, I save like $30 a week, most likely won't get chronic lung disease, lung cancer, throat cancer, mouth cancer, an abdominal aortic aneurysm, cardiovascular disease, and I won't "appear older than stated age," which is a favorite phrase of the ED (that you DON'T want someone to say about you...).  But then again, I'm sure you've grown fond of standing in the rain, heat, snow, old, wind, etc to smoke your beloved cigarettes.  While leads me to the question of why you chose to forgo that awesome experience to smoke in the bathroom.  Was it so you could come back later and relive the fun?  Or because you couldn't remember which way the door outside was?  Or because were visiting and didn't know where the cool place on campus was to smoke?  Either way, I think you may have started a new trend of hiding in the bathrooms to smoke illegally... it's kinda like high school, huh?  I hope you really liked high school...  They always did say it's the best time of your life!  I'm glad that was not true for me.  But you keep living the dream.  I'll watch from a distance... and use a different bathroom.

Keep smokin',
Kari