Dear Lincoln Navigator Driving South On I85 Towards Atlanta Tonight At About 5:30pm,

Then, as traffic on a Friday night outside a city tends to do, everyone slowed down.  Why?  I don't know.  But they did.  And you, having no buffer between you and the car in front SLAMMED on your breaks, swerved off the road, honked (wft?), and probably caused a touch of cardiac damage to your always stressed body.  There was the potential for Final Destination-like crash/bang/explosion/pile-up.  I can see it in my imagination, how the scene would have played out.  Luckily for you, I was following at a reasonable distance, and didn't smush you.  Instead, I braked.  And slowed with plenty-o-time.  Almost like I'd planned for it.

Then, you proceeded to do exactly the same thing... until you wanted to exit, got in the right lane and tailed a truck (while being tailed by an Escalade apparently going to the same place as you) until you got off at your exit.  And I passed you before you got off the exit. 

It's a good thing you spent all that energy getting in front of me.  It certainly paid off for you.

I don't understand drivers like you.  All stress, all gas, no common sense, and no idea how traffic works.  It's simple, really.  There are not very many rules.

1)  Use cruise control.  I'm sure your Lincoln Navigator has it.  In front of the entertainment system, to the left of the GPS, and above the fridge/pizza oven.  Use it.  You can set it fast, even manly-man fast.  Just use it.
2)  Don't pass on the right.  The only exception is if you've been following someone for a long time, there is no traffic, and they clearly aren't going to move over to the right.  Other than that, just stay in the flippin' left lane until they move!  Otherwise you mess up the flow of traffic, people can't move over, you get pissed because your stuck behind someone else, you try to switch lanes, people collide, and we return to the scene from Final Destination.
The end.
Kari